Compassion story Follow up

After posting my story about my Mother-in-law who truly has a heart of compassion, a woman who's faith I've admired for many years, I felt as though I should write a follow up post about what is happening today.

My Mother-in-law is now in very similar shoes as she was all of those years ago with me. Re-married after the death of Jim's father James, to a man name Fred who is struggling deeply with his health.  Jean has always had the heart of a servant overflowing with compassion. Fred's care is becoming somewhat demanding and she is there without complaint. Though the story is not mine to tell, I will say that Jean is now in need of some of the same compassion she once blessed so many others with. I know there is much in life we don't understand, but I also know that God will remain faithful and one day He'll piece together the bigger picture. I pray that God will give me His eyes and hands to be able to love them as they and He have loved me.

As for myself, to anyone who is struggling with depression or paralyzing fear, I can tell you there is hope. It was once said to me that fear is nothing more that what you tell yourself. Whoa! That hit me up side the head like a brick and so I wrote it down, and read it, and read it and read it. As I dissected those words, I realized that there are many factors that play into our fears and many things we unnecessarily tell ourselves. If I was to be completely honest, I could tell you, that right at this very moment, I could start telling myself all kinds of negatives, things that may or may never happen, lies from the enemy, etc. and spin myself right into a panic attack. So why do we do this to ourselves? I came to realize that being fear stricken was not at all of God, partly because I was now healed from a physical illness, and partly because I knew that this kind of life was not at all what God wanted from me. How on earth could I do anything to glorify the Kingdom of God if I was literally afraid to even move? I read these words: 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) ⁷ "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I did not at all have a sound mind, and I knew in my heart the only way I was going to have a sound mind was if I stopped listening to what I was telling myself and started listening to what God was telling me. How was I going to do that? One step at a time, and I failed A LOT and still do! There were many days when I would choose to do exactly this: "You may feel afraid, but you don't have to be afraid. You can keep going forward with your knees shaking and heart pounding and say, "God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and I am going to do everything that I need to do. I will not fear. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6) - Joyce Meyer

Please let me say, that this does not mean that I am fearless...OH MY NO! My knees shake and my heart pounds. I still have my challenges and struggles with fear, but for right now, I do not let them control me. I say for right now, because I am human, and I will never, ever completely conquer anything until I am no longer on this earth but for right now, I will praise the Father who has given me His word so that I may have a sound mind; His Son, so that I may have forgiveness when I fail.

I thought maybe I should refer back to something I said in my last blog post about not wanting to be on any medications. I physically did not have a need to be on any medication. I was on medication because I told myself I needed to be and my doctor was willing to work with me while I worked through that. However, if you are on medications because your doctor subscribed them for you, I would encourage you to never go off of any medicine with out clearing it with your doctor first. I believe strongly that some people need medications and I am thankful that we have those resources to help us when we need them.

Going through times of struggle are not always bad. I wouldn't want to go back to that place but I am thankful for the opportunity to learn. My eyes have been opened to a lot of things that I would perhaps someday walk blindly into otherwise. It is a process... a journey, and I. will. not. give. up.